Mastering your life
Stressed? So was a client of mine, Jane. After the relief she got from our sessions together, she encouraged me to share her story.
Jane's husband had just been made redundant. He was depressed and she was trying to juggle the kids, their demands, the household finances and her husband's moods.
She came to me knowing that I had a knack for business, finance and women's work. Her expression said it all. She was exhausted and ready to plummet into depression herself, and the only thing keeping her going was her sense of responsibility for other people.
I hugged her, and told her that she was safe, whatever she wanted to say or do whilst in this space was not going to be held against her. Everything between us was going to be confidential, and in fact, embraced for what it was: her reality, a reality that matters.
Jane started with, as many of my women's work clients do; "I can't do this anymore". She was feeling foreign to herself, she had lost the sight of her essence and had taken on the responsibility of her family life with no support from her spouse. She felt isolated and the facade of "happy families" had started to crumble.
I held space for her, allowing her to express whatever was there; her fears about her husband never coming back from the depression, her fears that she won't be able to manage the kids, and that eventually, they would lose their home, the home that she had so lovingly built with her family.
She was exhausted and angry and ready for a change. She felt the calling for growth, but doubted herself and her ability to do well enough to get out of this pit she found herself in. She simply couldn't see how she would be strong enough for any more growth. She was at her wit's end.
Jane said: "I don't know what to do. Who do I need to become to be happy and master my own life?"
I looked at her, took her hand and said: "The masterful woman is gentle and sensitive. She feels deep caring and empathy for her fellow human, her compassionate sweetness fills the air with the flowing essence of acceptance. She nurtures us all.
Jane couldn't see this in herself. She felt like she had nothing more to give. She felt like if she tried to give any more, that she would die of exhaustion. Then I continued: "But it's not just about nurturing. It's also about setting boundaries and living the life that YOU were born to live. Not just being a side character in someone else's story". This caught her attention. "Yes! I need boundaries! I need to find out who I am again!" She exclaimed.
Knowing that our old patterns have to die in order for the new way of being to emerge, I gently suggested to her that this might be where she's at. Maybe those parts of her that no longer served her did need to die. Maybe her old patterns were ready to be released and that she would find a new reality; something more sustainable and joyous. Something that had her play the leading lady.
It took her a while, but once she was open to hearing more, I gently suggested to her that even though it may seem like a stretch right now, she can evolve. Her feminine power can evolve. She can feel strong again. She can master her life.
I explained to Jane that the feminine evolves through feeling the fears and being supported through them with understanding and guidance. I asked her if she had friends who could support her evolution. She immediately referred to her friend Mary, and broke down. Mary had been there for her all the time, even when Jane herself had been feeling lonely and isolated. I could see Jane's heart open towards Mary in gratitude, while she sat in silence.
We sat there, with each other, and the newly found truth. We are not alone. And not only are we not alone, we are here to support each other in life mastery. Because all life mastery really is, is being on purpose and being authentically you. Everything else is irrelevant minutia, and when scrutinised through a lens of importance, this minutia just falls away uncovering more and more of who you really are.
After a while she asked me: "What can I do now? How can I reconnect with the people I love and be an active team player in the task of us rebuilding our family life?"
"Firstly", I said, "Make a promise that you'll be there for yourself. When you're there for yourself, the answers will start coming. But you have to be there for yourself, and learn to listen to yourself."
"Secondly, surround yourself with people who support your growth, like Mary, and embrace them. At the same time, learn to take responsibility of how you're feeling, and do not lash out to others when you're in a bad place. If you're out of alignment, retreat to your own space, feel the feelings that are coming up, and ask help from a trusted friend if you cannot reach a resolution in yourself. To reach for a resolution within yourself, be brave and accept your self and accept that you're scared. You need to accept that it's ok to feel scared without knowing what's going to happen next or who's going to save you from your feeling. When you accept that you're scared and you share that with a trusted friend without wanting them to fix it for you, your vulnerability will be embraced, and your stamina with 'impossible situations' will increase."
"Only, when you can be there for yourself wholeheartedly, begin to offer support to other members of your family. The only way to truly master your life is to find the strength within and live from that."
With that thought, our session was over. Jane felt hopeful, and determined to give my advice a go. I asked her to get back to me within a week to see how she was getting on.
After Jane left, I sat down with what had just happened. I knew in my heart that if she took responsibility of her own life, she could find herself again and become close with her family. She was in the beginning stages of the mastery of her life, and her story would be very different if she persevered.
A week later she emailed me about how her life had already slowed down and how she felt more empowered. She had had moments of feeling in control of her life and asked me if she could continue working with me to solidify her way to self and life mastery. Knowing that she was ready, with open arms, I said yes. It took us 12 months, but she transformed her life healing all her hurts on the way.
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