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Set yourself free by breaking the patterns that hold you back

Do you feel stuck and have no idea what to do about it? Do you feel a yearning for something more, a deep desire that there is more to you then the life you currently live but you don’t know where to start? Imagine this: morning of a workshop, a group of new people and you’re feeling shy. You feel apprehensive to share your struggles with these strangers, because you don’t want to appear vulnerable or like you’re a failure somehow. You sit in the back of the room, hoping that someone will jump in to share first and get the ball rolling. Someone does, and it eases your apprehension. Then you realise: different places, different faces, but you are all struggling at some level.

A client of mine felt like this, and she has allowed me to share her story. Let’s call her Sarah. Sarah was referred to me by a mutual friend; she felt stuck in a rut, her life had become very routine and in her words mundane. She felt she did the same things day in and day out and she was not living the life she has envisioned for herself. She was married, had young children, and had moved around several times following her husband’s career path. While she loved her husband and her children very much, she had lost sight of herself in her roles of wife, mother, cook, and cleaner. You name it, she did it. Sarah had been through several ‘jobs’ but her career had no focus and she often felt like she was second fiddle to her family and had finally reached a point of near depression, where she had stopped making aspirations for herself. All in all she was losing her essence and who she was as a person. I asked Sarah what her top 3 values were in life, and she stared blankly at me at first, and then it was like a light bulb switched on as she replied “I don’t know yet, but I am ready to find out”. I was impressed with her determination, it was like she was ready for a big shift, and she was going to grab it by the horns. Sarah had been stuck in her own patterns and roles that she had accepted simply because it was easier that way. All it took for her to feel more in control of her life was someone outside of her “story” to ask the right questions. These questions interrupted her self sacrificing pattern and allowed her to begin to build the life she always dreamt of. Now she has the freedom to express herself through fulfilling work and when she is mummy, she is mummy all the way. Family life is easier her relationship with her husband is more mutually honouring and the level of intimacy she experiences with her loved ones has transformed.

Can you relate to Sarah’s story? Do you want the freedom she was able to obtain? Even though we are all unique individuals and we all have our own patterns and situations, we can often relate to others’ experiences and identify parts of ourselves in their story.

Here’s the initial questions that I ask people like Sarah:

· Do you want more happy and meaningful relationships?

· Do you yearn to really be heard and understood by your partner?

· Are you too busy to be the kind of mother that you always wanted to be?

· Do you let small stuff like housework and other little things that won’t matter in 6 months time cause you anxiety?

· Do you often say yes when you really want to say no?

· Is your current work circumstance not satisfying your creative needs?

· Do you have a toxic workplace environment?

· Is there conflict in your circle of friends?

· Do you lack personal boundaries?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may have underlying patterns running your life. Although you might feel stuck in these patterns, you can get out of them. The pain of the patterns just feels intense and inescapable, because you can’t distance yourself from your issues long enough to look at them objectively. Distancing yourself to look at your issues can be really painful, but the rewards are what will give you the same freedom that Sarah felt.

So what can you do to break your patterns move through this feeling of being stuck?

1. Identify the area in your life where you are feeling stuck. Recognise the emotional patterning that is keeping you stuck. If you need extra support with discovering your emotional patterning, please consider joining our bite-size personal development programme The Radiant Woman Sorority.

2. Decide to practice self esteem: make the decision that you actually want to break that pattern and change your life.

3. Find someone to hold you accountable to your decision. It is really difficult to successfully break patterns on your own, make sure that you get support from other people on similar journeys. Make sure that your accountability person is someone who is unlikely to “take your side” and engage in a “bitching session” with you, instead offer you neutral support and strong presence. Having accountability will not guarantee your success, but it will make it far more likely.

These 3 steps can help you break the pattern that is holding you back, but if you want to take a deeper dive into yourself and said patterning, consider joining us for our upcoming one day workshop. The workshop is the perfect environment for a true pattern interrupt, as you will be taking time out just for yourself and leaving all your roles and labels behind to focus just on you! With the support of other people around you, your learnings will be more profound, you will see things more clearly and you will set yourself up for lasting change. For more information about this workshop please go to our website http://www.theradiantwoman.org/1-day-workshops

Merja Sumiloff Principal Facilitator

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