Question: How do I work out what I really want, as opposed to what I feel I ‘should’ want? For example if I get triggered and I ask my little girl “what do you need right now?” I find it hard to hear her over the noise of things I ‘should’ be doing eg paperwork, work commitments, dishes, cleaning and then I get frustrated and just eat something to deal with how I was triggered.
If you have a sentence beginning with these words “I should...” then you know it’s not your little girl, so then you go, ok so that’s not my little girl so I will ask again “what do you need right now?” and if you get another “I should...” then you go like ok so that’s not my little girl, I am going to acknowledge that and put that to one side.
So you ask again, little girl “What do you need right now?” and eventually, even if you have to do this fifty times, because you keep answering with something you ‘should’ do, you will eventually wear yourself out. Each time answer with ‘should’ say to yourself “OK I acknowledge that my patterning is saying I ‘should’ do x, y or z. That’s fine I will get to it, I will put it to one side for now, and little girl what do you need right now?” so you stubbornly keep asking her. Because the more you deny the fact that your getting all these ‘shoulds’ the less you will hear her.
So it’s again the same thing, say “ok grand I should do these things”, you can even take a pen and notepad and say yeah great I will just write those things down that I should do, but I am going to put that to one side for now and I am going to get back to my little girl. “Little girl what do you need right now?” and if you can imagine your little girl even as your own little physiological girl, your child, what would she like? What would she need in that situation?
So relate your inner girl to either your own child, or a friend, and ask that them “what do you need right now?” So what would you anticipate that your own child or your friend would need? Because the thing is that you intuitively know what they need and the answer is the same. So if your daughter or your friend were in a similar situation that you were in and you asked them “what do you need right now?” Their answers would not actually surprise you. You would intuitively know that.
So if you have difficulty in hearing your little girl, relate them to be another person that you would like to offer comfort to, and that’s a really good starting point for this work. So if you’re stuck with the inner girl work, relate them to somebody that you value in your life.
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