Question: How do you know that you’re actually doing your personal development work or if you’re just talking about it?
In the personal development community, this is a question that kind of goes unnoticed a lot of the time.
This is because many of the people that are in the personal development community are treating their personal development as just another distraction away from feeling their feelings.
So this is an excellent question.
There are two main ways to know that you are actually doing your work:
Firstly, you don’t have a preconceived idea about how your work ‘should’ be. When you don’t have an idea about how you ‘should’ be or how the work ‘should’ go or how you ‘should’ be feeling, that’s when you can actually stay authentic and make the observations about yourself in those moments that will tell you where you’re actually at. Rather than have some kind of implanted idea about where you are, or where you ‘should’ be.
Secondly, you don’t need an audience to witness your personal development. Whilst there is a time in the beginning of your personal development journey, when you are moving away from victim hood, that it is a very worthwhile exercise to have a selected audience.
If you continue to need to have an audience on a regular basis, if a lot of your conversations with your friends are just about personal development, or if you only have friends who are into personal development, then you’re probably addicted to talking about your personal development rather than actually doing it, because after the initial victim hood stage is over, you’ll actually find that your personal development is a very private thing that you don’t need to share with people, and when you do, choose to only share it with people because it has a relevance to what you’re experiencing with that other person in that moment.
So if you’re talking about your personal development work outside of specific areas, like groups or workshops or whatever that are designed to facilitate that, if a lot of your conversations are around personal development, outside of those groups, then you’re probably using it as another way of getting attention, rather than actually asking for your needs to be met. If this is the case a simple suggestion for asking for your needs to be met is saying to someone you trust “listen I am feeling really vulnerable right now, could you validate me on how I am feeling?”
In summary, the two main ways to know you are actually ‘doing’ your personal development work rather than simply talking about it, is that you are observing yourself where you are actually at rather than where you think you ‘should’ be, and that you don’t need an audience for your personal development work.
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