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#5 Relationships - short and long term needs

Question: How do you stay faithful to your man when someone else is giving you more attention or more to the point right kind of attention?

This is a good question that a lot of people, a lot of women actually do struggle with, when they are in a long term relationship, in which they feel that they are taken for granted. It’s a great and valid question and I like that the question has been posed rather than not talked about, because as you already know, The Radiant Woman is all about dealing with issues as they come up and not sweeping them under the carpet.

There are a couple of steps here to go through:

Step 1: understanding that it’s your inner child who wants something that they think they’re going to get from somewhere else.

Step 2: realizing the attitude towards your current partner thinking that they won’t meet those needs that you need met.

Step 3: seeing that you don’t ask for those needs to be met, because of this attitude

Step 4: practicing asking to have your needs met

First thing is to realize that making long term decisions based on short term feelings of discomfort, is a very child-like approach to your life. So if you go over to your inner child and you soothe her need for attention by having an affair, then you’re possibly affecting the rest of your life because your inner child is running the show. So the first thing is to get the inner child in check and just realizing that, yes you may have those feelings and knowing that you don’t actually have to act on those.

Secondly, if your partner knows what your needs are then he is more likely to meet them. Start by discovering and identifying your needs, whatever they might be. You need to discover what your needs are and learn the language in terms of how to ask for those needs to be met and then finally do the asking.

This is the hard part, because the first couple of times you might feel really uncomfortable asking for your needs to be met. You might feel there is so much bad blood between the two of you or this internal dialogue comes along and you think in your head that he is going to say no anyway and that he never does anything for you. But you don’t actually know until you ask.

It is important to remember that any skill takes time and practice for you to become confident in your abilities. When it comes to the skill of asking for your needs to be met, it takes ten times for you to get competent in asking it, it takes ten more times for you to get confident in asking it and it takes another ten times for you to get really good at asking. So it’s going to take at least thirty times before it feels comfortable to ask for your needs to be met, as you move through competence, confidence and then mastery of this skill.

In summary, firstly make sure that you give yourself time to master asking for your needs to be met. Secondly do not let short term decisions dictate your long term future, because that is a very child-like or immature way of dealing with adult issues.

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