Question: I find it really hard not to be judgmental about other people who are not following through with their promise. What should I do?
There are two major aspects that we can look into here. We can look at the things that have to do with you and then the things that have to do with other people. Let’s start from the inside, let’s start with you.
You are telling me that you are feeling judgmental about people, or getting let down by somebody not following through on their promise.
Or perhaps you are in a situation where you are experiencing someone else letting another person down and can relate to that feeling.
Your judgement or your level of vulnerability in that situation is telling you about your challenges in feeling comfortable or appreciated, and about your challenges in feeling like you can relax and trust life or being able to relax into the flow of life.
When you have judgement towards other people, when you perceive yourself to be better than somebody else, it’s usually to do with the fact that you don’t feel adequate enough in yourself. This is often your 10-year-old inner child having emotions about how certain things should be. When you put things in boxes of “shoulds” you are in a way shooting yourself in the foot, when it comes to your creativity and your creative power.
The judgement about other people or about a situation is always based on a fear that you yourself are not good enough at something. Those certain things which create these emotions within your inner child, are the things that are going to majorly hold you back in your own life. They will hold you back in the process of starting to discover your purpose, your creative power and your true self.
In addition to that, if you feel let down or you can identify with other people feeling let down, it’s because you yourself feel that you can’t trust people to not let you down. So these are number one things I would ask you to look at about yourself.
Then if we look at outside of ourselves, the other person’s side of things of why they are letting people down or are not following through their promise, it is simply because it’s not a priority to them.
That doesn’t make them a good or a bad person, it’s just that in that moment, they have prioritized something else above the promise. When you are asking somebody to follow through on something and they don’t, maybe you need to adjust your expectation of the other person. So know your audience. You need to know who you are asking of and you shouldn’t project on to the other person what should be as important to them as it is to you.
However, if they consistently don’t deliver, then perhaps you need to ask somebody else or you need to discontinue asking that person. Perhaps you need to have a chat with the other person saying: “Listen you’ve let me down this time and that time. Now I know that these are my feelings, I’m the one who was feeling let down. Can you tell me if this is actually a priority to you and if it’s not, that’s ok, but I need to know because I need to get the thing done.”
In summary, there are two parts to the answer: Part 1, look within yourself to see how your ‘shoulds’ of the world align, and whether you meet them yourself, and Part 2, once you’ve established a pattern of behavior from the other person, adjusting your approach to match – reducing expectations, casting it so that it becomes a priority for them, or going elsewhere.
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