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Quick Tips #10: 3 Top Tips to Stop Feeling Used

Question: I enjoy helping my friends and being available for them, but lately I feel like I don't get much back and I feel used. How should I go on with these friendships?

That’s a great question. A lot of women are giving and available to help others even to the point of feeling used. Lot of them are also looking for that kind of support back for themselves when they need it. Now if you truly enjoy helping others, that’s awesome. Do it without any expectation of receiving it back. But it sounds like you have noticed a pattern where your friends are not giving as much to the relationship as you are and it’s starting to bother you.

Here are my 3 top tips to stop feeling used:

Step 1: Attend to your own needs first.

Most of the time when we are distraught by this kind of an issue is when we haven’t looked after ourselves first. So learn to give to yourself first.

Step 2: Look at the patterning of the relationship.

Are you the one who is always giving? Some people don’t actually want to give and receive support. Some people want to be in a one sided relationship, because they are so used to receiving support or not used to giving it back. These relationships are worth checking in on whether they are something you want to keep around.

Step 3: Ask for support.

If it is a relationship you think is worth having or somebody who you do want to have around, the best way is to ask them directly.

You can go to them and say: “Listen, I feel like I’m giving you a lot of support. But I also feel like I need a bit more support from you. So if I need support or help from you, what’s the best way I can ask for that.” Most people actually tell you to just ask directly. And then that resolves the issue.

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