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Quick Tips #12: Finding Ideal Partner

"I'm single and in my late 30's. I would love to find a partner to share this life with. Do you have any advice for me about how to go on or what I can do to get closer in my goal of finding an ideal partner?"

This is a fabulous question, because a lot of women struggle with how to know who is the ideal partner for them.

There are three starting questions to ask yourself:

#1 Do I know myself?

Getting to know yourself is where you start. Learn how you are wired. Know your strengths and weaknesses. What are the challenges in your life? Write down all the things that are important to you. Look at what your needs are and learn to effectively communicate or ask for them to be met.

Here are some links where you can get started:

#2 Does your ideal partner have similar interests?

They don’t need to have the same hobbies as you but it helps to have a similar approach into similar interests.

Differences are polarising and good, and some people naturally draw opposites to them. In this case it’s important to have respect for the people, even though you wouldn’t understand what they are doing or where they are coming from. Keep an open mind and have acceptance for the other person’s interests.

#3 What if my ideal partner has children? Do I want to have children?

Find out for yourself if you are comfortable with your future partner having kids or if you would like to be with someone who hasn’t been married before or doesn’t have kids.

It's important because getting into a relationship with someone who has children is not just about you and him. You are going to have a relationship with their children and probably with their ex-wife as well.

This can be particularly challenging for some people. If you are falling in love with a man who already has a family from a previous relationship, be prepared to have those people as a part of your new family. Otherwise you are just going to get into an awful lot of trouble.

And then finally, know if you want to have children yourself. This matters because it’s going to dictate the lifestyle that you are going to share together.

To summarise:

  • Get to know yourself.

  • Share similar interest or prepare to be open and accepting to differences in your relationship.

  • Set boundaries about what you are willing and not willing to do in terms of people who already have a family, or if you want a family yourself.

I wish you the best of luck with it.

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