Quick Tips #16: Are your emotions running your life?
Question: My emotions are running my life. Everything happening around me has a big emotional impact on me. How can I stop being a slave to my emotions?
This is a great question. Being a slave to your emotions effectively means that those emotional parts of you are running your information gathering and your decision making processes.
What I mean by that is that those emotional parts of us tend to start taking over when we get triggered. As a result, we begin to feel more and more emotional and the emotions that are coming up start taking over our life.
The more emotional we get, the more we gather information through those emotions rather than what’s actually happening.
Same is true for decision making, the more emotional we are the more emotional decisions we tend to make. It’s like we justify our emotions.
You can stop having emotions run your life by:
1. Recognising that your emotions are running your information gathering and decision making processes.
2. Recognising that emotions are only a part of you, they are not all of who you are.
It’s only a part of you that’s emotional. It’s not all of you. Even though the emotional stuff may have gathered momentum, it is not ALL of who you are.
Recognising that it’s just a part of you that is emotional gives you an opportunity to say: “Hey, maybe it’s my inner children who are feeling uncomfortable and they are the ones who are emotional.” And now, all of a sudden, you have this new paradigm within which you can work.
3. Starting to listen to what those emotions are trying to tell you about your needs.
You can say: “Okay inner children, you are having a hard time.You are being emotional, what can we do now to attend those emotions? How are you feeling right now? And what do you need right now?”
4. Attending to those needs.
Then you start parenting those little children according to their needs. So now what happens is that you are attending to your own needs, so there for you get less and less emotional.
When you start to really attend to those emotions, and you get less and less emotional, now your inner parent, or your grown up processes are starting to gain strength.
Whether it’s your emotions or your rational thinking, everything gathers momentum over time. It’s important that you feed the part of you that you actually want to have more of.
It’s like that old saying of a good wolf and a bad wolf within you. How do you know which one will win? And the answer to that is, the one that you feed the most.
Make sure that you feed the wolf that you want to feed. You always have a choice to feed the wolf of where you want to go in life rather than being at the receiving end of life as you see it.
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