Question: “Hi Merja, I'm in my forties, I have 4 kids and 2 dogs and a husband who travels often, so my days are really action packed and revolve mainly around my kids and taking care of the household. I keep forgetting to take time for myself during these days and as I'm focusing on self-love and appreciation at the moment, but I wanted to ask if you had some more tips on everyday things that I could do to love myself and how to include these particular exercises in my day. Thanks!”
Fabulous question! A lot of our clients suffer from putting themselves last and don't prioritise their own well-being.
Society doesn’t support self-love. It asks us to do more, be more, be 'like this', do 'this'. The more sleep deprived you are, the more important you are.
Of course, we don’t want to be sleep deprived. That just shows we are not caring for ourselves. As a general rule, the more we do, the less value we show ourselves.
How to practice self-care:
#1. Own the fact that up until now you haven't had a self-care practice.
#2. Make sure that you are taking your self-care seriously.
#3. Take your inner children for a play-date that works for them.
You have four people within you, these include: your adult self, your inner parent, and your two inner children: the 3-year-old and the 10-year-old.
Find out what works for each of those inner children and start doing activities that work for them.
If your driver process or adult self is an extroverted process, then your 10-year-old is an extroverted process. And vice versa, if your driver process is introverted, then so is your 10-year-old.
If your inner parent process is introverted, then so is your 3-year-old. And the other way around, if your inner parent is extroverted then so is your 3-year-old.
This means that one of your inner children is introverted and one of your inner children is extroverted.
Make sure that when you are arranging special play-dates with your inner children that you meet their needs and do things with them that they want to do, that fulfils their sense of being important.
The introverted parts of you are recharged by being alone, in your own company. Whereas the extroverted parts of you recharge by being with other people.
If your introverted parts are overly taxed, don't go and play with people in the outside world. Take some time to yourself.
Conversely, if your extroverted parts are overtaxed, don't spend time on your own. Go out there and play with other people so that your extroverted parts can build up and become strong again.
Self love is about your self-fulfilment. Without treating yourself well, you cannot love yourself. And without that core, the rest of your life is out of balance.
That is what changes your life. Not thinking about it, not understanding it, not intellectualising what it could be. Doing it changes your life.
So, go out there and do stuff. Make sure that you know which parts of you are feeling overtaxed and then support them by giving them what they need.
If you want to learn more about the 4 people within, please click here to check out our course.
Have you enjoyed this blog post? Sign up for our newsletter and receive our free recording “Style of approach and commitment to your personal development”. At the Radiant Woman we have identified 3 different styles of approach and commitment to personal development. Your style will determine if you will benefit from any course or mentoring you undertake. Listen to this recording and determine your readiness for lasting change.