Quick Tips #24: How To Stop Comparing Myself With Other People
Question: “How can I stop comparing myself with other people?"
What a great question this is and this comes up often. How you stop comparing is simply by stopping, and that's a decision you need to make.
Now, I know it's not as simple as that, because we are judging and comparing others based on how we feel about ourselves.
When we feel that we are not good enough, we constantly compare ourselves to other people. On the other hand, when we feel that we are good enough, we “forget” to compare.
Comparison comes from our inner child processes.
One of them is an information-gathering and one is a decision-making process. When you are not well and feel that you have taxed your grown-up processes (your adult self and your inner parent) you can drop into the inner child processes.
When your decision-making inner child process makes a decision that “I'm not good enough”, then the information-gathering inner child will begin to gather “evidence” from around you to support that negative feeling.
That's when you start to compare yourself with other people and you find yourself in this inner child loop. You've made a negative decision about yourself and you go on finding information to support that negative bias.
How to get out of the inner child loop:
You need a pattern interrupt from your inner parent and your adult-self process.
Making a decision from your inner parent perspective that you are a good enough person as you are right now, will stop you comparing yourself with other people and you can start enjoying what other people have to offer in the world.
You need to realise that it is your choice how you feel about yourself and how much you compare yourself to other people.
You need to aspire. Your adult-self process needs to make a decision of how you want to live your life as a grown-up. Do you want to live your life by comparing yourself to other people or do you want to be yourself fully and enjoy other people just as they are?
When your adult-self process makes that decision, it is then your inner parent process’ responsibility to bring the inner children up to date.
Your inner parent process supports the inner children to live up to that aspiration by teaching your decision-making inner child process to decide that we are going to look for good things.
When the decision-making inner child process realises that you can actually see good things about yourself as well as other people, then even when you're stressed out and you drop into those inner child processes, the information-gathering inner child process that is supporting the decision-making inner child process is going to look for good things both in yourself and in other people.
This can be a lengthy process, but when you practice this on a day to day basis and it's anchored into you, you will see that when you get stressed you don't fall into those old comparison patterns anymore. You will see that there are things about you that are awesome.
When you can see things that are good about you, then you can see that about other people and you don't compare yourself to others anymore in a negative way.
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